Am I passing all my defects of character on to my daughters?

...Answer: probably yes.

“Bo, I think you should tuck that t-shirt in.”

My eldest daughter is giving her younger sister some fashion advice. It’s not delivered with love as much as it’s delivered with a need to make things just so. Billie doesn’t know she’s doing it but she’s looking to other people, places and things and trying to control them.

“Good for you,” my sassy eight year old retorts, “but I like it untucked.”

Billie is about to launch into an argument about why Bo should tuck in her shirt and I put a stop to it.

“Let her dress how she wants to dress, Billie. You can’t control people, places or things, remember?”

The hypocrisy of what I’m saying hits me full force but I show no signs of it externally. Billie sighs, turns on her heel and leaves the room. Bo, totally unfazed, pulls down harder on her t-shirt to make sure it’s as visibly untucked as it possibly can be.

Billie gets this particular trait from me. We both have this inherent need, born of fear and insecurity, to make the world how we need it to be to feel comfortable.